Gotta Love Pro Tem Work

OK, I'm done wringing people out. Let's go home.

I Want to Know the Back Story

I can make the point that this is a waste of the court's time, but the whole porn thing is going to work against me I think.

Two Men With Guns Get Out of a Truck....

[Said in observation of the Brink's truck];

Well now I get it.

And I Thought You Were Being Coy

I've been in here so much the judge and I have a relationship.

Wanted: High School Civics Classes

I don't get this Vehicle Code Penal Code sh84t. Why can't they just tell me what the law is?

Well Then Don't Break the Law

I hear they're mean in there.

Sex Ed at Traffic Court?

Let me go ask the guard how many kids I can have.

We All Have Days Like This

Woman: Nwah, I got no gun on me today.
Other woman: Whaaat???
Woman: I got a headache today.

Everyone Can Have an Alter Ego

I should have taken in my other license. This one's no good.

But I Need Something to Keep Me Occupied

ERNIE! STOP IT! You cannot take your football into court. Git it back in the truck. And leave your knife there too.

I'm Ready for my Pat Down Mr DeMille.

I gotta miss my traffic court, Man. I can't go through security like this.

All In the Family

[loud booming rap music playing from car, lyrics going on about crack use and getting arrested; family sitting together in the car, dad is making funny dance moves, and the toddlers are giving belly laughs] Ah, childhood memories...

Easy Peasy

Hey! I got out by 3:00 and it only cost me $400! [which begs the question: if this was exclaimed in relief, what the heck did they do?]

Give a Dawg a Bone

So I'm like, the Judge don't like the way I wrote it, see? And so I'm like, c'mon why can't the Judge help me write it? C'mon help me, Dawg! But Dawg said no.

Who'll Stop the Rain?

NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [this, delivered at full volume and with blood curdling implication, caused me to look out my window. It was a man screaming at the rain.]

Foghorn... oooo...arrrrrr

I got a ticket when I was driving my boat. I didn't know you could get a ticket if you were driving a boat.

Minor Mischief

I don't think there'll be an issue. I was only ten over.

They better not give me any flak. I was only seven miles over the speed limit. That's not illegal.

Tailgaters at Traffic Court! Yay!

Yeah, they open the doors at 7:30 but people start lining up at 6-6:30. It's crazy, Man. Bring coffee and have a party or something. It gets intense. People get crazy and s&8t.

Who Needs It?

But I don't want to get my headlight fixed.

Reality Checks

Wow. This is like a real court, Man. I didn't know it was like, Real.

That judge was like, so, like judgey, you know? And I still don't know why he made me pay that fine. He is so, like, mean. I don't get it.

Let's get caught up

OK. So I started posting Overheard Outside Traffic Court on my Facebook, just to commemorate the stuff I hear. Because it's funny. And sad. And on balance makes me smile. The human condition is a strange one. Every day I hear more bizarre things. Today I decided it might be worth blogging about.

Here's some of what's been on my Facebook page, just to catch you up:

"I ain't gonna deal with these people no more. We all got children to feed and F87k You and everyone here". ( This was on a walkie talkie, by, apparently, a member of the local constabulary).

"Hey, you got f87ked, I got f87ked, we all got f87ked. We just gotta get over it and nobody press charges here."

"Hey, some days you just gotta wait, and that's how it works, Man."

"Fees? Them f87king fees? YOU pay them f87king fees. I ain't paying no f87king fees!"

" I dunno what to tell you. You have to eat this one. Usually, you know artists have to cram their music down people's throats? It's like that."

Dialogue between two people: "I don't know why I got this red light ticket." / "Did you run the red light?" / "Well yeah.".