Thursday, December 23, 2010

Monday, December 13, 2010

I Want to Know the Back Story

I can make the point that this is a waste of the court's time, but the whole porn thing is going to work against me I think.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Monday, December 6, 2010

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Wanted: High School Civics Classes

I don't get this Vehicle Code Penal Code sh84t. Why can't they just tell me what the law is?

Monday, November 15, 2010

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

We All Have Days Like This

Woman: Nwah, I got no gun on me today.
Other woman: Whaaat???
Woman: I got a headache today.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Monday, November 1, 2010

But I Need Something to Keep Me Occupied

ERNIE! STOP IT! You cannot take your football into court. Git it back in the truck. And leave your knife there too.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Monday, October 25, 2010

All In the Family

[loud booming rap music playing from car, lyrics going on about crack use and getting arrested; family sitting together in the car, dad is making funny dance moves, and the toddlers are giving belly laughs] Ah, childhood memories...

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Easy Peasy

Hey! I got out by 3:00 and it only cost me $400! [which begs the question: if this was exclaimed in relief, what the heck did they do?]

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Give a Dawg a Bone

So I'm like, the Judge don't like the way I wrote it, see? And so I'm like, c'mon why can't the Judge help me write it? C'mon help me, Dawg! But Dawg said no.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Who'll Stop the Rain?

NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [this, delivered at full volume and with blood curdling implication, caused me to look out my window. It was a man screaming at the rain.]

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Foghorn... oooo...arrrrrr

I got a ticket when I was driving my boat. I didn't know you could get a ticket if you were driving a boat.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Thursday, September 23, 2010

They better not give me any flak. I was only seven miles over the speed limit. That's not illegal.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Tailgaters at Traffic Court! Yay!

Yeah, they open the doors at 7:30 but people start lining up at 6-6:30. It's crazy, Man. Bring coffee and have a party or something. It gets intense. People get crazy and s&8t.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Monday, September 20, 2010

Reality Checks

Wow. This is like a real court, Man. I didn't know it was like, Real.

Friday, September 17, 2010

That judge was like, so, like judgey, you know? And I still don't know why he made me pay that fine. He is so, like, mean. I don't get it.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Let's get caught up

OK. So I started posting Overheard Outside Traffic Court on my Facebook, just to commemorate the stuff I hear. Because it's funny. And sad. And on balance makes me smile. The human condition is a strange one. Every day I hear more bizarre things. Today I decided it might be worth blogging about.

Here's some of what's been on my Facebook page, just to catch you up:

"I ain't gonna deal with these people no more. We all got children to feed and F87k You and everyone here". ( This was on a walkie talkie, by, apparently, a member of the local constabulary).

"Hey, you got f87ked, I got f87ked, we all got f87ked. We just gotta get over it and nobody press charges here."

"Hey, some days you just gotta wait, and that's how it works, Man."

"Fees? Them f87king fees? YOU pay them f87king fees. I ain't paying no f87king fees!"

" I dunno what to tell you. You have to eat this one. Usually, you know artists have to cram their music down people's throats? It's like that."

Dialogue between two people: "I don't know why I got this red light ticket." / "Did you run the red light?" / "Well yeah.".